Author: feyfey

Which is the biggest enemy of all?

Amongst the sexy nudes and blood scenes in this famous tv show, lots of people are also attracted by the animated stories and fantasies. I admire that George RR Martin is not only trying so hard to use his fantastic imagination and knowledge to attract the audiences nowadays who are filled with countless of movies and stories everyday, but also use those imagination to educate people in the world. To remind us the biggest truth neglected by the whole human beings for thousands of years.

What is the biggest enemy of all? This is not just happen in the show, but also reflect so well in our real world. So many humans trying to kill each other for the wrong reasons, while facing the ultimate enemy – death, every one is so surrendering and accept it as a must do. Telling every man must die is not much different from telling a slave that slavery is your destiny and fate granted while you were born. In the deep deep heart, humans want to live longer. It’s just the majority humans in the world, most of the time, have been fighting for the live of the present or the next few years. Those who have safe gurante for their lives, only have the opportunity to search for an extended possibility. Take the old kings in china for example, since 221BC, the dictating chinese king has started searching for eternal life. And since then, never stopped a Dynasty of searching for such possibility.

Today, those who kill for religion, for power, for hate or for greedy, will finally be sentenced by the ultimate enemy – death. And they all seem so small and helpless and obeying while facing death. As they can do nothing.

In this full of fantasies tv show, George has perfectly input the issue into this show and let every audience enjoy the show, and will have a notice of the biggest fact: All human’s enemy, is not each other, but death. To avoid death, humans need to union together, instead of trying to send each other to death in a earlier time.

This is why I like watching this show. It’s really not a simple show, but a show can enjoy and get educated.

• By Doctor Harmony, Psychiatrist

A grief reaction can occur in any life situation when there is loss, such as loss of independence, physical and

mental health, lifestyle, employment, relationships and loss of ability to achieve life aspirations and hopes,

death of loved ones or stillbirths/miscarriages.

Many find it a lonely journey as they still may be grieving when their supports around them appear to have

“gotten on with life.” Many may feel that they do not want to burden others with their grief. This makes it

difficult to reach out to others in their grief.

What is considered “normal” grief?

Swiss psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross famously identified five stages to grief, which can occur in any

order. All of the stages need not occur in the grief reaction of one particular person:

1. DENIAL- of the reality of the situation.

2. ANGER- with the situation or others. People may blame or feel they are victims.

3. BARGAINING- negotiating to try to reduce the pain of the loss.

4. DEPRESSION- which can include hopelessness, guilt, reduced sleep and appetite.

5. ACCEPTANCE- when the loss is incorporated into daily life and is accepted.

It is common that the grief fluctuates in intensity and is relived with reminders or anniversaries.

Death is a taboo in many cultures. In some cultures, it is not respectful to mention names of deceased

people. Religion and personal beliefs also influence perception and expression about death and grief.

How can I overcome grief after a death?

1) Celebrate the time you had with your loved one rather than the time lost.

2) Celebrate their life on anniversaries, birthdays and special occasions. This may mean, starting a new

tradition, doing something your loved one enjoyed, exchanging stories of fun times you had with the

loved one. Some people find it helpful collating a scrapbook of their loved one’s life or planting a

special tree.

3) Ask yourself, “How would they want me to be now that they have gone? How would they feel seeing

me so upset?”

4) Use the grief positively to help others, such as volunteer work, donating to charity or even becoming

an organ donor.

5) If you have unresolved issues with your loved one, try resolving it creatively, such as writing a letter,

talking to their photo or seeking professional help.

6) Avoid using alcohol and drugs as a crutch. This worsens problems longer-term.

7) Seek professional counselling if you are struggling.

For more information on dealing with feelings, check out series one of my Building Resilience books series. Although it is marketed as children’s picture books, it has great tips for children

and adults alike.

This column is intended to be general advice only. It is

recommended that medical advice for individual circumstances

is sought through your local health practitioner.

This column is intended to be general advice only. It

is recommended that medical advice for individual

circumstances is sought through your local health

HOW CAN YOU FORGIVE AND LET GO?

-By Doctor Harmony, Psychiatrist
When we still harbour grief, resentment, anger, guilt or indignation about our past, it holds us back from moving on with our lives. Small triggers or reminders in life may then stir the old feelings, which could cause us to over-react to current events or people. It can make us feel angry, sad or hurt as it may feel as if the past is recurring, even though we may not make that conscious connection. I often see this in people with a past history of being bullied at school or at work. This also happens with reliving of sibling rivalry from childhood through other situations later in life. For example, have you ever felt jealous when others are being acknowledged or rewarded and you feel you have unfairly missed out or been overlooked?

Holding onto past pain can hurt our relationships and people round us. In some cases, many years have passed without having seen family or friends who have hurt us. Avoiding people who have hurt us may help our pain initially but longer-term there is a very high chance that we will encounter similar situations or people. There will also be reminders of the pain, such as Christmas, birthdays and Mother’s and Father’s Day. Ultimately we will need to face the issues or types of people again.

What can help us to resolve past pain?

ACCEPT THE PAST has occurred and cannot be changed. What we can change is the effect it has on us. The choice is yours. Holding onto emotional pain only hurts yourself and others who you love.

REMEMBER that we all make mistakes. If we reflect on the mistakes we have made in our lives and even how we may have contributed to a conflict or situation, our hurt and anger is more likely to dissipate. We are more likely to forgive. It takes a lowering of ego to admit we are human and are as fallible as others.

EMPATHISE. Try seeing the situation from other people’s perspectives. Often when we feel hurt and angry it is because we see it from our viewpoint only. We may feel wrongly treated or neglected. Often others are not aware that their actions or inactions have hurt us, as they may have been only thinking about their situation. Also we all have different backgrounds, cultures, personalities and coping styles. If we also take this into account, it may help to understand the situation from other perspectives, which we may have initially overlooked.

EMOTIONAL PAIN IS A CHANCE TO LEARN AND GROW. If we are trapped in a state of emotional pain and find it hard to forgive, it can feel we are imprisoned by it. It is difficult to move on. When we can use our pain constructively, it turns our hopelessness, helplessness, anger, despair and sadness into a hopeful, empowering and uplifting feeling. We are then more likely to forgive and let go of emotional pain. Ask, “What can I learn from this?” “Is there anything I could have done differently?”

To summarise:
Accept the past has happened. It is difficult to move forward until you do.
Forgive yourself and others. We are all human. Mistakes are inevitable. Many times, people do not mean to intentionally hurt us.
Empathise. Put yourself in others’ positions and you may see the situation different. This may change the way you feel about the past.
Use the past to learn and grow from. Past pain can make you a better person or break you. It is your choice.

If you would like to find out more ways of dealing with anger, sadness and other uncomfortable feelings, check out series one of my Building Resilience books series. Although it is marketed as children’s picture books, it has great tips for children and adults alike.

WHEN LIFE DOES NOT GO THE WAY WE PLANNED…

How do you manage disappointments? When was the last time you felt let down? Did someone disappoint you? Did you lose your job or were you overlooked for a job or promotion? Did someone make a promise which they did not keep? Did you trust someone but they betrayed your trust? Were you diagnosed with an illness that affects your quality of life and ability to achieve your dreams?
The list of disappointments in life is endless. As long as we have high expectations of how life should be, how others should behave and how much we should achieve, then we will continue to have disappointments at some point in time.
Where do our expectations come from? It is natural to have expectations as it is usually based on our past experiences and upbringing. For instance, adults who grew up with critical parents or was bullied at school and felt they were never good enough, are more likely to think people are critical of them as adults. They are also more likely to have high expectations of themselves. This makes it challenging when they do not think they achieve their goals or standards for themselves. This can lead to disappointment, anger, hopelessness, shame or depression.
Many life situations can make it difficult for us to achieve our expectations and standards, such as chronic illness, unemployment and relationship separation. We cannot control many situations that happen to us but we can limit the disappointment and stress if we keep our expectations realistic, accept our circumstances and make the most of our existing strengths. It is then that we are more likely to maintain inner peace and find hope.
For example, let us discuss Greg’s situation. He is a 59 year old builder who has chronic pain from a back injury at work. His doctor declares that it is unlikely that he will ever be able to return to work. Greg feels depressed, hopeless, useless, embarrassed about his situation and self-conscious. He grieves the loss of his career, financial stability, the prospect of a comfortable retirement and limitations on his ability to enjoy life.
With time, he comes to terms with these losses in his life. Eventually he learns to pace himself, depending on pain severity. He rests when he needs to and does not push himself when pain is worse. He realises that he can still enjoy more sedentary activities and learns to appreciate other positives in his life, such as a supportive family and close friends, his caring and practical nature, his intellect and sense of humour. He also realises that early retirement brought about benefits, such as more time with his partner and a closer relationship to her. With her support, he realises how lucky he iss despite his circumstances. Greg now has renewed enjoyment in life given his changed circumstances, after he changed his expectations of himself and life.
In summary, when faced by disappointments in life, this is a chance to learn about our expectations:
– Keep our expectations realistic.
– Accept our circumstances, however disappointing.
– Make the most of the situation. Be flexible. Learn and grow.
– Be grateful for what we still have.
– Know that we are all human. People may not mean to disappoint us. Likewise, as we are human, we make mistakes and are not perfect. Forgive ourselves and others.

If you would like to find out more ways of dealing with disappointment and other uncomfortable feelings, check out series one of my Building Resilience books series. Click go to Doctor Harmony’s Website. Although it is marketed as children’s picture books, it has great tips for children and adults alike.